One mom has taken to Reddit after a gender reveal mishap to ask if she would be an a-hole for uninviting her husband to their baby’s birth. And … well … the internet doesn’t think it’s the best course of action.
In a post that has caught the attention of more than 10,000 Reddit users, one mom explained that her husband was happy when he found out their first child was a girl. The couple has a second little one on the way, and when they found out it was also a girl, the dad was happy again.
Well, it turns out those results are wrong, and they are actually having a baby boy.
“My husband freaked out in excitement,” she said. “He was actually jumping around and yelling, he immediately called all his friends and family, he kept hugging and swinging our daughter around telling her she’s getting a brother.”
Mom was absolutely not here for that kind of disparity and confronted her husband for not being as excited when they thought it was a little girl. He said it was because he wanted a boy, and mom decided to go big or go home by telling dad to stay home.
“I got so pissed off. I don’t want him at the baby shower or the birth. He thought I was kidding at first, but once he realized I was serious, he got really upset and started an argument over it.”
Commenters have been tripping over themselves to help get mom to change her tune while also explaining why dad’s reaction was problematic. They’ve generally come to the consensus that both parents could have handled this better and that, ultimately, communication should be the next step — not exclusion.
“Punishment and withholding techniques are a bad way to go and will negatively affect the health of your marriage. You need to have a serious talk with your husband, give him space to share with you, without judgement, what having a daughter or having a son means to him. Also share with him about why you find his behavior so concerning.”
Another commenter might have had the crowd on his side had he cut his comment short.
“This seems like an overreaction on both parts. The guy is that excited to have a son and you are wanting to deny him being at his son’s birth? Maybe he should have toned that down a bit but…”
*face palm* Why the “but?”
“Do you have any idea how many kids out there have sperm donors who don’t seem to give a sh*t about them?”
He went on to mention a recent subreddit about a pregnant woman whose husband missed an ultrasound appointment for an outrageous reason.
“Your husband is present, engaged, it sounds like he is engaged and active with your daughter as well, and he’s stoked that he’s having a boy.”
Oh no, sir. Do not praise Dad for doing the bare minimum by being a dad.
“It’s hilarious that you basically told her that she should be grateful that her husband cares about her and his children on the most basic level. The bar is so godd*mn low for men when it comes to being a ‘good’ parent.”
Though few agreed with mom’s plan of action, many showed sympathy for what they presume is her concern: Dad will play favorites with their son. And of course, they want to know how the dad will react if his son does not fit the mold he may have already constructed in his mind. What happens if his son doesn’t have the same interests? What if he is gay or non-binary or trans?
“What’s the dad so excited about? A penis???” one commenter said with an eye roll. “Does he think that baby is gonna shoot out of the womb holding a catcher’s mitt and baseball and love all his dad’s favorite sports teams? Something impossible for a girl to also like?”
Others urged people to pump the brakes on this narrative.
“It’s not sexist to hope to see yourself in your child and it’s easier to see yourself in someone who you assume has more commonality with you,” adding that the notion that dad wants a son to play sports with is sexist in itself.
Several commenters offered a perhaps unexpected reason for why dad may have seemed more excited for a boy which only further highlights the need for communication. One woman explained that she had a “sh*t relationship” with her mom and was scared her daughter wouldn’t love her. So she hoped for a son: “I cried when I found out I was having a girl.”
The dissection of Dad’s reaction shows no sign of slowing down, and yet it doesn’t seem like the tides will turn in favor of Mom’s decision. That said, we have to give props to the commenter who reminded the masses that no one is entitled to witness a person give birth.
“Please do remember birth is a medical event, not a show. No one, not even the father, has a right to attend without the mother’s permission. She should 100% calm down and have a conversation with her husband about why she’s upset and try to work through things before she makes a decision she can’t walk back. In the end though, she’s the one in the hospital going through this and no one is allowed there unless she’s 100% comfortable with them.”
Before you go, check out these unbelievable stories about Reddit’s worst dads.
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