When you become a parent, you learn that a lot of people have opinions about how you should parent your kids. Actually, let’s back up. Before you even have kids (if you want them), people start voicing their opinions about future kids. “When are you having kids?” the peanut gallery cries, no matter how many times they’re told to mind their own business.
And then, as soon as a pregnant person announces the happy news, the masses descend on them, offering unsolicited advice. A lot of times we believe parents should trust their own instincts and make the decisions for their own families. Nosy neighbors and know-it-all in-laws don’t get to make the calls.
But then, of course, come the disputes between significant others. When even the parents aren’t aligned, which way do they go? Some of them turn to the “Am I The A-hole?” subreddit to find out if they are in the right, and that’s (basically) what happened there yesterday. The main (and pretty significant) difference? The couple is dating. The man who originally posted (the “OP”) is the boyfriend of a single mom, and he wants to have a say in her 3-year-old daughter’s bedtime. His girlfriend is not on board, so he turned to Reddit to find out if he is being an a-hole.
The Current Living Situation
OP’s girlfriend and her toddler are staying with him for a week. He said he takes them out to dinner and buys them “whatever they like.” “I think her daughter is cool and we get along well,” he said.
OP said he just had one request for his girlfriend while they were staying with him. And that was for her to please put her daughter to sleep by midnight. “Her daughter will be in our room til 2 a.m. wanting to play and talk,” he said. “Mind you I have to wake up around 6:30/7 a.m. for work.”
Given that timeline, OP has only been getting four of five hours of sleep per night, and he said the lack of sleep “has been getting to [him].”
“Upon asking [my girlfriend to put her toddler to bed by midnight], she stated that I shouldn’t let her daughter being up stop me from sleeping,” he said. “I proceeded to say, ‘Well she’s in the room with us til very late.’”
The girlfriend then told him if he didn’t like the setup, she’d just go into her daughter’s room since “they both like to stay up late.”
“And then says, ‘Maybe you’re just not meant to be with someone with a kid?!’”
So, is he the a-hole?
Reddit says absolutely not! The internet agrees that the girlfriend’s actions are majorly concerning. Even if you can somehow justify her kid being up that late (spoiler alert: Redditors can’t, because the child is three), her inability to compromise while staying with OP is a big red flag.
“No 3-year-old should be up into the wee hours of the night. Children need structure and schedules. They are guests in your home and your girlfriend should be open to you asking her to put her child to bed by midnight and being more considerate. She has no respect for you. Is this the type of relationship you want to be in? NTA.”
“She is being disrespectful of you, and a child should not be up that late, it’s extremely unhealthy and sets her up for sleep problems.”
“Your girlfriend is rude and clearly doesn’t care about you or respecting your life/home/schedule. While I always say parents need to put their kids first, there is always a way to do that while also respecting other people.”
“Lol at ‘maybe you’re not ready to be with someone with a kid.’ Most people with a kid put them to bed at a reasonable hour and don’t force a toddler to stay up that late so the toddler can accommodate the adult’s late-night schedule. It’s kind of the parent’s job to cater to the toddler’s need to get up early. I bet the kid is still doing that and is now constantly deprived of sleep. Yeah lady, nobody is ready to be with a person that won’t put their kid down at a reasonable hour and won’t let someone set boundaries in their own space.”
“You seriously should rethink this relationship. She sounds like the type who would gaslight you. You can find better.”
“Holy crap 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 NTA”
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